


I'm Not That Girl

by lord_of_the_phantom



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, I'm Not That Girl, I'm Sorry, Songfic, Wicked songfic, You might cry, adorableness, no i'm not, super sad sorry, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 12:24:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10360458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lord_of_the_phantom/pseuds/lord_of_the_phantom
Summary: It's known that Eponine was there during A Heart Full of Love. But what was she really thinking? Find out in this little oneshot based around the song I'm Not That Girl from the musical Wicked.





	

Hands touch, eyes meet  
Èponine looked on, her heart shattering even more with every word Marius spoke. She had-no, she did love him. It was easy to see. And he didn’t seem to notice her. Èponine knew that she’d lost him from the moment he looked over and saw Cosette in the square. Yet, even so, she couldn’t bring herself to let go of him. The man she’d loved since they were little. She looked over at them to see their hands touching through the gate, their eyes seeing nothing but each other.   
Sudden silence, sudden heat  
Nothing was making sound at that moment. The only thing Èponine could hear was her own breathing. It was terrible, the feeling of the one you loved falling for someone else before your eyes.   
Marius didn’t even look over at her. Didn’t even pay her a second glance. Only moments ago he’d been spinning her around, thanking her for showing him where Cosette lived. It was like he’d forgotten that she existed. That was probably true, she decided. Èponine hid behind a wall, watching to see if this would end well.   
She wanted Marius to be happy. But she also wanted him to love her. Was there a way for both to happen?   
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl  
They were so happy. They didn’t even notice that Èponine was watching from the sides by herself. It was like she could see their hearts beating together and their brains only thinking of each other. There was no room for her in Marius’s heart. Not anymore.  
What would become of poor Èponine? Marius’s childhood friend and part of the reason Cosette and Marius had each other? Nothing, she mused. Nothing would become of her. She’d be a street urchin for her whole life, raised on thievery and corruptness. Nothing could ever become of her. She’d live off of people’s pity.   
He could be that boy  
Yet, for some reason, he was still the only one she could think of. He was the only one she’d ever loved. Her parents were terrible people who treated her worse the older she grew. She’d lost her brother Gavroche at a young age. Her only friend was Marius. And even he hardly knew she existed anymore.   
Her heart was still full of love for Marius. But it could never be returned. Not while Cosette was around. And she’d always be around. And as for Èponine? She’d always be alone. 

But I’m not that girl.  
She wasn’t the girl he loved. That was easy enough to see. And she never would be, unless something drastic happened. Even then, Cosette would still linger in his mind. But what could she do?   
It was simple why she wasn’t. Cosette was beautiful. She was not. Cosette was smart. She was not. Cosette could give him anything. She could not.   
Don’t dream too far  
Èponine was living too often in dreams. Dreams of Marius and a life they could live together. She’d always think of the two of them spending a happy life together before going to sleep. It calmed her.  
But no dreams would come true that night. Not when Cosette was there and Marius was spending time with her. Not that they’d come true any other night.  
Don’t lose sight of who you are  
She knew not to go too far into her fantasies. She’d lose track of herself, get her hopes up, and have her heart shattered again. And heaven knows that couldn’t happen. She’d forget who she was and then her parents would be displeased. Not that they ever were pleased with their daughter. Not anymore.   
Marius was like her escape from reality. And as long as she could make him happy by helping him pursue Cosette, she’d still be herself.   
Don’t remember that rush of joy  
Èponine warned herself not to remember how Marius had twirled her around and thanked her. How he had said how he liked her teasing. How he’d laughed when she stole his book. She’d only get hurt by remembering things like that.   
He could be that boy  
Of course, knowing that he only cared for Cosette wouldn’t make her stop loving him. No, nothing really could. He’d always be the only one for her. That was how it was ever since she’d met him.   
But I’m not that girl.  
But he’d never love her the way she loved him. They’d remain friends, sure, but Cosette was the only girl he’d ever care about romantically.   
Ev’ry so often we long to steal  
Èponine tore her gaze away, not daring to look at them and risk even more heartbreak. She wanted to leave. But she couldn’t. Not without knowing if Marius was going to be happy with her. With Cosette.   
So she turned back to them. They were still oblivious to the universe around them, not seeing anything but each other. It made her feel miserable, but she was tolerating it.  
To the land of what-might-have-been  
Her dreams were taking over again. She was getting her hopes up. “No, Èponine, you can’t do this to yourself,” she muttered, mentally slapping herself.   
Marius didn’t notice that she spoke. He was too busy telling Cosette about his heart full of love. Love that was only for her. Love that would never involve Èponine.   
But that doesn’t soften the ache we feel  
Èponine’s heart was burning. She felt as if she might break down. It was heart-wrenching, watching him and Cosette.   
But she didn’t dare to pull him away. No, that would only make him upset. So Èponine just stayed by herself, thinking about the way things could have been.   
When reality sets back in  
“He was never mine to lose,” she told herself, knowing that Marius and Cosette were too busy talking to each other to hear her. “Why regret what cannot be?”   
“A single look and then I knew.”  
“I knew it too.”  
“These are words he’ll never say, not to me.” Èponine’s heart was shattering with every phrase she said to herself.   
Blithe smile, lithe limb  
Cosette was grinning like a child in a candy store. Marius was hers, and she knew it. Did she know how she had upset the girl she grew up with? Certainly not. And it wasn’t as though they were that close as children anyway.  
She who’s winsome, she wins him  
Èponine was nowhere near as gorgeous as Cosette. Not in anyone’s eyes. Who would pick a street urchin such as herself over a beautiful town girl such as Cosette? No one. Especially not Marius. His grandfather was rich. He wouldn’t approve of Èponine.   
She wished she was like Cosette. She wished she was pretty enough to win his affection. She wished she was good enough for him. But of course, he preferred Cosette. And who wouldn’t?   
Golden hair with a gentle curl  
Cosette was beautiful. She had blonde hair that curled slightly at the end, shining gray eyes with a sort of light shining from them. She was likely kind and just the kind of girl Marius would choose. That wasn’t such a bad thing for Cosette. Marius was a wonderful man and they’d be happy.   
Èponine hid her face. No one would ever look at her the way Cosette and Marius looked at each other.   
That’s the girl he chose  
Èponine didn’t dare look anymore. Her heart would just break over and over and over again. Marius didn’t even know what he was doing to her. And how could he? He never knew the love that Èponine had for him.   
She was all on her own.   
And Heaven knows I’m not that girl  
Èponine wiped away a tear, but another one fell. And another one. She was crying. Was this what heartbreak was? If it wasn’t, then what was the pain in her chest that was making it hard to breathe? She wiped away the tears that glided down her face, knowing that if anyone saw her, they’d ask what was wrong, and she couldn’t afford that. Somehow the word would get back to Marius. And he’d blame himself and be sad. That wasn’t what she wanted.   
Don’t wish, don’t start  
“No, Èponine,” she told herself. “Don’t start thinking about what could’ve been between us. Don’t.” She shook her head. “You can’t do this to yourself.”  
Marius didn’t even hear her talking to herself. Èponine didn’t know what she expected. Him, hear her talking to herself? Of course not. Not anymore.   
Wishing only wounds the heart  
“You’ll get hurt if you start thinking like this,” she murmured, examining her nails. They were filthy, as could be expected of a street gamine’s nails.   
She leaned up further against the wall, trying to hide from what could not be. But she could still hear everything that Marius and Cosette were saying to each other. It was heart-wrenching. Her life was getting shattered.   
I wasn’t born for the rose and pearl  
Funny how everything had changed. When they were children, Èponine was the one who was loved. Her parents gave her everything that she wanted. Everyone at the inn loved her. Everything had been given to her the second she asked for it, and sometimes even if she didn’t. Especially by her mother.   
Meanwhile, Cosette had been treated so badly, sometimes even by Èponine herself. She wasn’t too proud of how she’d acted. Cosette had been forced to do all the housework. She’d had to do everything around the house and sleep on the floor. But then that man, Jean Valjean, came to save her.  
And oh, how the tables had turned since then.   
There’s a girl I know  
Èponine sighed. “He will never feel this way,” she said, shaking her head and turning away from the two people standing at the door. Her heart couldn’t be broken any more than it already was.   
He loves her so  
Marius smiled at Cosette, unknowingly burning a hole into Èponine’s heart. They were so in love.   
But what was love? It was a sensation rather unknown to Èponine. She’d never been loved before. At least not in the way Marius loved Cosette, and even the love she had felt from her mother was dwindling. So what was love? Was it the feeling she got when she was near Marius? The feeling that she wanted the little moments around him to last forever? Was it when he smiled and she felt like she was melting to pieces? Was it the feeling that no matter what, she wanted him to be happy? What was love? She’d probably never know. Not now. Not ever.  
I’m not that girl.  
Èponine turned away as Marius and Cosette stood there, talking to each other. She planned to just go for a walk and think about what had happened. That didn’t sound too bad. But, before she could get anywhere, she ran straight into her father. Wonderful. This was going to be a long night.


End file.
